September 2024 Newsletter

Hello to all our wonderful family and friends.

What we have been up to:

July was an extremely busy month for the Foundation and the Reach In program.

On July 15, 2024, the wonderful owners, management and staff of the Barrel House, gave 10% of the day’s takings to the Longley Foundation. The true selflessness of Jesse and his staff is beyond appreciated. To everyone who came out and supported this day, thank you!

LONGBALL22 2024

The 4th Longball 22 Golf Classic was held on July 19, 2024. It was the perfect weather day for both the morning 9-hole and the afternoon 18-hole tournaments. Although many of our friends and supporters were on vacation this year, we are grateful to all who came out. As always, the event which began out of the tragedy of Ben’s death, carried nothing but positivity, love and hope for continued changes in the world of mental illnesses.

Congratulations to the overall winners: Jacob Otta, Brenden Bassing, Kyler Moffit, and Ethan Thompson

Unfortunately, due to the glitches experienced by airlines on the 19th, our friend Blessing Offor, got stuck in Minneapolis and did not make it to Sioux Falls for the evening events. “The keyboard, speakers and mic were all ready for you Blessing and we hope you will be able to join us for year five and beyond!!”

There are so many people to thank for making the tournament what it is:

Cindy Johnson, Gerri Ross, Claye Stevens – Grand Falls Casino and Golf Resort Management and staff.
Jerry’s Auto – Hole 8 Sponsor……. Sorry players, nobody won the car.
Hole Sponsors, Silent Auction Donors, Live Auction Donors,
John Sweeter – Auctioneer
Antonio Casiello – Board Member, friend and the one who runs the Foundation in Sioux Falls.
Players, purchasers of auction items, financial donors and diners – Thank you!!

We hope you will all be back again next year.

"The greatest gift you can give someone is your time because when you give your time, you are giving a portion of your life that you will never get back."

Anonymous

On July 20, 2024, the Reach In Program sponsored the band at The Levitt. What a fun night and Reverand Peyton’s Big Damn Band did not disappoint.

Our thanks to Nancy and her wonderful team for making this night possible. It is our understanding over 5000 people were registered as being present at the concert over the course of the night.

We continue to work with Avera Behavioral Health in providing Caring Companions to those struggling with mental illness. Not only are we providing companions for individuals struggling with their mental health, our volunteers are also going to ABH on a weekly basis to offer companionship to inpatients. The feedback from patients and Caring Companions has been positive and people have been willing to open-up and share parts of their lives with our companions.

The next training for Caring Companions will be on October 28th, 2024. If you wish to join us as a Caring Companion, please complete the application below.

We are hoping to expand our Reach In program beginning in January 2025. Currently, we have had our first meeting with an organization in regard to providing a Caring Companion to people residing within one of their facilities. As soon as we have details ironed out, More information will be provided.

Lost&Found - Survivors Joining For Hope

As mentioned in the May newsletter, the foundation has been asked to shift our focus to the Survivors Joining for Hope program. Leigh has joined a committee of this branch of Lost and Found and will have her first meeting in September 2024.

Following that meeting, the board of the Longley Foundation will be able to determine where and how we ae able to support family survivors after the tragedy of a death by suicide.

VOA Patient story and treatment

A gentlemen aged thirty-five sought services at Volunteers of America, Dakotas, Lifemarks due to anxiety and lack of coping skills. While working with this man, he addressed sobriety, anxiety signs and symptoms, mood regulaon and communicaon. With the help of the Longley Foundaon Funds, we were able to help empower him to have a voice in his life and guide him in his journey of healthy living.

Nicole Burger, MA, LAC, CPS, QMHP, LPC-MH Supervisee

Outpatient Therapist
Volunteers of America, Dakota/ www.voa-dakotas.org

Spotlight:

Steve and Madeline Angerhofer.

Steve and Madeline were like parents to our Ben. They were there for him from 2nd grade until his death in 2020. Fifteen years of memories……. Our sincere thanks to Madeline for taking the time to write this beautiful memoire for us to share with you!

The following story is one of the most difficult I’ve ever had to write. It’s a story of incredible joy and agonizing pain. Maybe that is what the best love stories are made of; pain, regret, grief, love acceptance and forgiveness.

This is the story of two little boys who began life on two different continents but once they met, were two peas in a pod. Their favorite pastime was mischief.

It all started in second grade. My son, Joe came home from school and said, “I got invited to Ben’s for a sleep over, can I go?”

I didn’t know who Ben was nor had I ever let Joe stay over at anyone’s house who wasn’t family. So, I set out to vet Ben’s family. Of course, immediately after meeting, our families became fast friends. That first sleepover was the first of hundreds over the years!

For the next several years these two guys were inseparable. Although, their school did assign separate classrooms through elementary school, to shut down their shenanigans. It did not deter them.

They competed on the same swim team, played golf in the same summer league and spent most of their time at each other’s homes.

Joe, growing up in a house of all boys, learned what it was like to have sisters thanks to Ben’s older sisters. Those girls taught them how to “chicken box” – a technique of putting raw chickens on their fists and punching each other with them; and the full tutorial of the early days of social media. At our house it was racing golf carts, go-carts, blowing things up with fireworks and all-night video game marathons.

It was a magical childhood but as they grew, they sought different interests. Joe joined the football team and Ben joined the golf team. While their group of friends vastly expanded, they didn’t miss a beat. They were always together except now there was a pack of boys all the way through high school graduation

They chose different universities in different states and their time together was reduced to texting and getting the whole gang together on school breaks.

Like most relationships, distance becomes a barrier to communication. Living separate lives and the busyness of college classes, sports and new adventures, they communicated less often.

As parents, we communicated less, too. At some point, Ben withdrew from the friend group; leaving the group text and was heard from less. Their communications became non-existent. In hindsight all roads led to depression and mental health challenges. That’s where regret sets in. I wish I had given better advice to give Joe. I didn’t understand nor did I think it was my place to intervene. Ben’s parents surely were in control of the situation.

In recent years there’s been more attention called to the challenges of mental health. We now know that it’s a disease no different than diabetes, cancer and Parkinson’s. Mental illness is an ugly invader that does not discriminate. It grips the minds of the rich and successful as often as the poor and disadvantaged. It thrives on the relentless battle to wreak havoc despite advances in modern medicine and therapy.

Yet it is more common than ever. But there is still some hesitancy to call it out. I will never again ‘mind my own business’ because the stakes are too high. The last time I saw Ben, he was with the whole gang at my house. They had all put back a few cocktails and were hungry. I served up heaping piles of chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy just as I had done for the previous ten years. Ben was gobbling up a pile of potatoes with nearly as much butter on them. I didn’t know that would be the last time I would see this wonderful human whom I loved as my own sons.

He believed the uncontrollable thoughts in his head that were unfortunately much louder than the massive amounts of love and acceptance that surrounded him.

Ben took his own life July 21, 2020.

I wish I had called; I wish I would have showed up more, I wish I wasn’t so busy in my life to say something.

I have a picture of Ben on my refrigerator. I talk to him when I’m cooking. He’s gone but will not be forgotten.

If you see something, say something. Don’t hesitate. Someone’s life depends on it.

People come into your life for a reason, some for a season, some for a lifetime. In this case all that’s left are memories of the too short ‘season’ we had with our beloved friend, Ben.

Madeline Shields Angerhofer

Looking Ahead:

October 28, 2024 – Caring Companion training

December 2024 – Christmas Campaign – Forever22

July 14, 2025 – Barrel House Fundraiser

July 18, 2025 – Longball 22 Golf Classic. Please mark this on your calendars. This will be the 5th anniversary of Ben’s death….. We will always remember why we came together; however, because of this tragedy, the ability to serve others who are struggling, has been life changing for our family. You are all a part of this amazing journey.